Tuesday, June 30, 2009.
realisation: the first step to recovery.
haha, second day of sch since reopening and i'm so tired.
i aint the only one too, the whole class is. haha.
maths paper is tmr... must study harder already.
hmm. nothing much really happened today so i'll sign off here
signing off
sam
Monday, June 29, 2009.
catalyst, its something that speeds up the process by being involved in it, but doesn't change the ending factor.
am i one?
SCHOOL IS BACK. hahaha.
i missed all my classmates man.
i'm on track with my assignments and all. well, to me, at least. that's good right! haha.
alright i better go do some work now, bye
signing off
sam
tag replies:
Shaun - HANDS! LOL.
Clare - YAH Singapore too small lahhhhhhh hahahaha
Sunday, June 28, 2009.
i'm starting to wonder where do i rank?
i'm still trying to stay happy. i really am.
its good to be happy after all.
but i find myself losing grip.
not just on my happiness, that i still can do it.
but rather on other things.
and some things, i wonder why i even bother trying to hold on.
i find myself losing position too.
a substitute, even, maybe?
used to be the first few. but slowly being replaced
my position is slipping.
actions speak louder than words, they say.
but sometimes they speak equally loudly.
too loud, sometimes
so tell me, please,
where do i rank, and where do i stand?
signing off
sam
a weight is lifted on this evening,
i give the final blow...
Friday, June 26, 2009.
YESSAH! my work is mostly complete!
i shall learn an emoticon on msn \o/
heheh. :D left onow report.
but i still need to rush my keyboard piece. gosh. =x
oh well! at least i'm on track. hahaha.
it still boils down to choice. freewill.
signing off
sam
Thursday, June 25, 2009.
and i appreciate and love them all.
haha, went out again today!
firstly went to Bukit Batok to meet the rest, then makan.
then after that we went to Gramacy (or however you spell) to find scores. haha.
national library was our next stop, went to do a bit of research about the composer. though i must admit i didn't do alot =x playing with Grace who was using my facebook account. LOL.
Chris and Grace left, had dinner with Miao, Junqi and Leo. Almost forgot about the meeting i was supposed to be at, thankfully remembered in time and could afford to leave after dinner.
met at about 7.30, ended around 9.45?? yeah. just reached home and washed up. its 11:40 now. haha.
alright gotta settle some work. i need to rush tomorrow and on sunday, but at least i'm on track. haha.
thanks to all who spent the day with me today (:
signing off
sam
i had better brace myself...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009.
where does your priorities lie?
queue them up, and see where it ranks.
haha, i got my ppt done! yessah. tmr gonna chiong maths! whoo. so thankful for classmates, without them i'd fail flat =x
left with maths, onow report and keyboard piece. whew... O.O
note to self: buy consession tomorrow.
still staying strong, refusing to panic or cave in.
i made my decision and i'm staying by it.
signing off
sam
Tuesday, June 23, 2009.
the walls sometimes have ears.
so let them hear.
i need to catch up on my work. desperately... O.O
thanks Chris for teaching me today. hahaha. appreciate it.
to all DMAT-ers who also chionging, lets all jia you together! hahaha.
signing off
sam
Monday, June 22, 2009.
i shall choose to ignore it.
ignorance is bliss anyway.
so to stay happy, i shall ignore it.
but just dont make it a habit,
you better not do that,
before i start ignoring just a bit too much.
still gonna stay happy,
not gonna let anything affect me.
faith is refusing to panic.
signing off
sam
Sunday, June 21, 2009.
i realised again that i've been the fool...
there's always hope after all, no?
it all boils down to choice, and the will of the heart.
after all, we are all given freewill, eh?
i shall stop trying so hard.
i shall stop putting in so much effort.
especially when it seems so futile. meaningless.
maybe its about time i broke free...
i can be happy. happier than this.
and i resolve to be.
i CHOOSE to be.
so help me if you'd like.
if not, its okay. its your choice.
but i'll treasure every effort you put in to help me, because i'm really weak now...
signing off
sam
(P.S. I'd like to show my appreciation to all who talked to me last night. a few of you really surprised me, i'll admit. thanks. i really appreciate every single bit of effort, especially to those who stayed with me throughout the whole thing. thank you.)
Saturday, June 20, 2009.
"SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM, THE WAY YOU WOULD IF I RAVAGED YOUR MIND"
I'M SO BLOODY TIRED OF THIS HAPPENING OVER AND OVER AGAIN. HOW MUCH MORE IS BEING HIDDEN FROM ME? HOW MUCH MORE WILL KEEP BEING REVEALED TO ME BEFORE I FINALLY CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE? I'M SO BLOODY TIRED MENTALLY. I'M SO BLOODY TIRED EMOTIONALLY. HAHA. THINK I'M FINE? I'M NOT. I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE, I'M ABOUT TO CAVE IN.
I NEED A DAMN BREAK. TALK TO ME ONLY IF YOU'RE GONNA HELP, AND DON'T BLAME ME IF I EXPLODE IN YOUR FACE IF YOU DON'T HELP, BECAUSE I'M GROUCHY. I'M GROUCHY EMOTIONALLY. I'M GROUCHY MENTALLY.
I'M LOSING TOO MANY THINGS. BUT THE THING I'M MOST AFRAID OF LOSING IS MY MIND AND MYSELF...
but at the same time i'll admit i'm weak and still falling, i need so much help, but i don't know what to do... i'm crying and i can't stop myself, i really need so much help now...
i want it to come back to me, so that i can protect it, and in turn get protected myself. but it doesn't want to come back to me...
HELP ME.
Friday, June 19, 2009.
i'm back. haha.
camp was fun. enjoyed myself.
i deleted the older post because i resolved not to think about it anymore, must cheer myself up.
also it caused a bit of misunderstandings, so yeah.
sorry. =x
i'll end here. nothing much to blog about anyway. haha.
signing off
sam
Tuesday, June 16, 2009.
this had better be good.
or else.
signing off
sam
Sunday, June 14, 2009.
'its coming round again...'
i'm starting to see things that i have never seen
and i'm starting to wonder whether there's more from where that came from.
but to ask is almost the equivalent of asking for an argument.
i wish it would just get out of my mind right now...
i'm also seeing old things coming back to haunt.
i cant take it...
i recover, and this happens...
i really cant take it if it keeps knocking me, letting me get up, then knock me down again.
i wish it'd just get lost once and for all...
is it going to end? when?
before i lose it completely, please...
signing off
sam
.
i broke it.
but yet somehow
nothing's coming out.
weird.
signing off
sam
Saturday, June 13, 2009.
'warn your warmth to turn away, here its winter everyday...'
its in the blood
as such it will be,
por siempre, no?
its about time i call a stop to this free fall
trust me, i feel it too, i'm just keeping quiet, in fear of...
signing off
sam
Friday, June 12, 2009.
'and we'll say it to you'
to the point of no return?
i certainly hope not.
signing off
sam
Thursday, June 11, 2009.
'this time, i wont be listening...'
i guess the significance just wasn't and still isn't there.
signing off
sam
Tuesday, June 09, 2009.
sneeze!
pretty much sums my day. =/
i must go sleep soon. i promised someone that i'd do so. hahaha.
guess i'll sign out here then.
signing off
sam
Monday, June 08, 2009.
'watch out when you reveal too much, the good ideas may tear your brain apart...'
haha. i wished the power of "oh well" was real.
"oh well!" and everything brushes aside. hahaha.
now how useful would that be?
i'd personally use it alot. that way i wouldn't have slammed my Q key
signing off
sam
Sunday, June 07, 2009.
'but the real bombshells have already sunk'
i'll paint your trash gold while you're asleep,
i wonder how you'll like it.
signing off
sam
.
i belive that there's something bigger
than what i'm living in right now.
signing off
sam
Thursday, June 04, 2009.
second part of keys test was ugh.
i could've done better... dang...
oh well. i just hope for a pass.
sight reading was gone case. expected i guess...
nothing much today, didnt really do much in sch after the test.
after sch had a kind-of-pointless-and-useless meeting which didnt seem to have much direction.
went to eat jap food with Chris, Miao, Junqi and Grace after meeting.
Grace laugh until full. hahaha.
today was alright, overall.
i love DMAT. hahaha
signing off
sam
xiiaoxiiaosotong - hey, thx
Wednesday, June 03, 2009.
first part of keys test is over. whew.
manageable though i think Audrey wasn't fully satisfied, esp with my chord progressions.
but oh well.
now for the second part tomorrow. gosh.
good thing tmr morning no sch.
must wake up and rush my test piece.
must make some one eat her own words.
signing off
sam
Tuesday, June 02, 2009.
'get outta my headddddddddd'
i practiced two plus hours straight
of THE SAME SONG.
that's a new record
but i dont wanna hear it for the rest of the night.
signing off
sam
Monday, June 01, 2009.
i must chiong keys soon
i must get more sleep
i must work harder for math.
signing off
sam
tag replies:
Shaun - lol anything, but i saw your new one though. haha. nice one as usual
